Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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