considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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