Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
