u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize