Plan B is the new Plan A
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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