Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vagina is officially offended.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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