there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
