Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
