I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
