man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
