Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise