I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.