My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.