I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan