The maid of honor just puked.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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