Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
