It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
