Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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