so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize