If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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