SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
