would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
