Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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