I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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