On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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