I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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