Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize