maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize