remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize