I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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