thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize