I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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