this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
