Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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