is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
