I faked an abortion last night.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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