i may or may not be watching the land before time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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