Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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