direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.