The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.