Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
