he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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