Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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