I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
