Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
