You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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