Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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