Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
