jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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