Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize