Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
