This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize