yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him