you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
