he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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