were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Come on in and take your pants off
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