The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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